We Have a Heart Problem (Part 2): Overcoming the Sin of Sexual Lust

As a follow-up to last week’s post, “We Have a Heart Problem,” I thought it would be wise to focus on a particular sin.  Since I briefly addressed sexual lust in that post, and I have researched this topic in my biblical counseling work, I have decided to focus on it. In this post, we will examine sexual lust’s origins, definition, cause, progression and consequences.  In the next post, we will discuss the biblical steps for overcoming sexual lust.

  

The Origins of Sexual Lust

Sexual lust, like all sin, made its entrance into the world through Adam’s transgression in the Garden of Eden (Rom 5:12).  Since that time, sexual lust has manifested its ugliness in a multitude of ways and wreaked havoc on countless lives.  For example, God destroyed the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah because of sexual lust (Jude 1:7).  Moab, under the wicked prophet Balaam’s guidance, used sexual lust to lure God’s people into idolatry causing God’s judgment to fall on Israel, with 23,000 dying in one day (Num 25).  In the New Testament, John the Baptist lost his head due to sexual lust (Matt 14:1-12).   No one can honestly deny sexual lust’s existence or its power to destroy human lives.  It continues to wreak destruction and death on our contemporary world.  As Romans 6:23a says, “For the wages of sin is death . . . (NASB).”   

The Definition of Sexual Lust

In the New Testament, the Greek word that is most often translated lust is ἐπιθυμία.  Sometimes this word is used to describe good desires, but most often, it is used to describe God-given desires that are out of control, and being expressed outside God’s prescribed parameters.^[1] For example, the apostle Paul uses ἐπιθυμία seventeen times in his writings, of those only two are positive, Phil. 1:23 and 1 Thess. 2:17.  The rest of the occurrences are located in moral teaching and connected to sin. See Rom. 6:12; 7:7-8; 13:14 and 1 Thess. 4:5.

The Bible teaches that God created man with sexual desire and intended that this desire be satisfied within prescribed boundaries.   It is clear from an examination of passages like Gen. 2:18-25; 1 Cor. 7:1-9 and Heb. 13:4 that the proper context for the expression of sexual desire is within the bounds of marriage.  Therefore, any sexual activity, mental or physical, outside of marriage is sin and the fruit or consequence of sexual lust. 

Sexual lust is a condition of the heart that manifests itself in various sinful behaviors.  The apostle Paul lists some of the behaviors connected to sexual lust in 1 Cor. 6:9b-10, the apostle wrote, “. . . Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God (NASB).”  For the most part, the nature of the sexual sins listed in this text is self-evident, and they are all physical acts.  However, in Matthew 5:28, Jesus included mental activity or acts of the imagination when he said, “But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart (NASB).”

What do these sins look like in modern life?  Someone gripped by sexual lust may be looking at pornography on the internet, in magazines or watching it on television.  Others may be doing the same but also pleasuring themselves with masturbation.  Some may be pedophiles seeking sex with children.  Still others may be having sex outside of marriage or be involved in an adulterous or even homosexual relationship.  Sadly, sexual lust even manifests itself within marriage, for example, when a man selfishly uses his wife to satisfy his warped sexual fantasies. 

Sexual lust is normal for the unregenerate.  For this reason, the apostle Paul calls various expressions of sexual lust a deed of the flesh.  “Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, (Gal. 5:19 NASB).”  Ephesians 4:17-25 sheds further light on the subject where Paul instructs believers to no longer walk like the rest of the Gentiles because “. . . they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness (Eph. 4:19 NASB).”  Note also 1 Thess. 4:3-5, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in lustful passion, like the Gentiles who do not know God (NASB).”

 In sharp contrast to the unregenerate, Christians are no longer in the flesh according to the apostle Paul.  “However, you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you.  But if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Him (Rom. 8:9 NASB).”  In fact, the Christian has crucified his flesh with its passion and desires according to Gal. 5:24 and Rom. 6:1-7.  That is not to say a Christian cannot be tempted or fall into sexual sin.  Otherwise, there would not be so many warnings and instruction against such behavior in the New Testament.  Sexual lust for the believer is abnormal and with the Spirit’s help can be to death (Rom. 8:13).  As Paul says in Gal. 5:16, “But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh (NASB).”  

In summary, sexual lust is a work of the flesh and normal behavior for unregenerate people.  It is sexual desire out of control, which seeks to satisfy itself outside of God-given parameters and it can manifest itself in any number of immoral acts.  Sexual lust is abnormal for the Christian because they have crucified the flesh and now live according to the Spirit.  They will continue to experience temptation and can fall into sexual sin, but not if they walk by the Spirit.

What Causes Sexual Lust?

Many assume that external factors cause sexual lust.  For example, it has been said that if women did not dress provocatively that men would not be tempted to lust after them.  Certainly, it would help matters if women dressed modestly but this would not solve the problem of sexual lust. External circumstances do not cause sexual lust; it is an issue of the heart.  A number of Scripture passage bear witness to this truth.  For our purposes, we will examine three texts, Matt. 5:27-28; Mark 7:20-23 and James 1:14-15.  Before doing so we need to define what we mean by “the heart.”

What is “the heart?”  Scripture divides man into two parts, the inner and the outer man.  The outer man is the physical body and the inner being is the spiritual part of man.  For example, “Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day 2 Cor. 4:16 (NASB)” The Bible most often calls the spiritual or inner part of man the heart.  The heart includes all the aspects of man’s inner life like spirit, soul, mind, will and emotions.

Now in Matt. 5:27-28  Jesus said,  “You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart (NASB).”   Notice that Jesus equates committing adultery in one’s imagination with the physical act, and note where Jesus says the sin takes place.  It takes place in the heart.  Jesus shed further light on this truth in Mark 7:22-23 when he said, “. . . deeds of coveting and wickedness, as well as deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride and foolishness.  All these evil things proceed from within and defile the man (NASB).”

James 1:14-15 say, “But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust.  Then when lust has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death (NASB).”  Notice, James says that temptation is not due to something external to a person but something internal, namely, his or her own lust.  In other words, if it were not for the fact that lust was already resident within a person’s heart, they could not be tempted at all.  Therefore, when a man sees a woman provocatively dressed and begins to have lustful thoughts about her, it reveals the condition of his heart.  Furthermore, he sins, not because he has been coerced or forced, but because he has chosen to do so.

In short, like all sin, sexual lust is an issue of the heart.  Everything a person thinks, does and says is due to what is in their hearts.  Therefore, if a person wants to change their behavior they must change their hearts. 

Sexual Lust’s Progression

Sexual lust is an exceedingly dangerous temptation and succumbing to it can enslave and even destroy a person.  This domination can happen quickly and it follows a progression laid out in Scripture.  Unfortunately, this progression and the consequent domination have impacted the lives of many people, and continue to do so today.  How does this progression begin?

The progression of sexual lust begins with a failure to worship God, “ For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened Rom. 1:21 (NASB).”  This failure to worship is where all sin begins. The failure to worship is due to an ungrateful heart, a heart that seeks satisfaction in someone or something other than God. 

In the search for satisfaction apart from God, many temptations and opportunities will arise.  The enemy has arranged things so.  The Bible calls our enemy, Satan, the “god of this world” (2 Cor. 4:4) and the apostle John says, “. . . and the whole world lies in the power of the evil one (1 John 5:19b NASB).  Satan has organized his kingdom to assist idolaters in their search for satisfaction apart from God.  Genesis 3:1-6 describes the first instance of this assistance when Satan essentially offered Adam and Eve a way to do life without God. 

Note that Satan did not make Adam and Eve sin that was their choice. Satan does not have the power to make anyone sin.  What power Satan does possess has been allotted to him by God, as Job 1-2 make clear.  When people choose to follow Satan by seeking satisfaction apart from God, God gives them over to their desires (Rom. 1:24).  Satan appeals to these desires by manipulating circumstances, providing opportunity and temptation.  He lured Adam and Eve into sin with lies and false promises, and he uses sexual lust in much the same way.  He promises unrealistic pleasures and satisfaction without consequence.  For those who are seeking satisfaction apart from God, Satan’s temptations are often irresistible.  This irresistible draw is due to the fact he is an expert at exploiting and perverting God given desires.

Thus far, we have observed that sexual lust begins with a desire for satisfactions apart from a relationship with God and that the enemy exploits this desire.  Invariably, this exploitation begins with a particular temptation that can present itself in various ways.  Temptation to sexual lust came to Joseph through his master’s adulterous wife (Gen. 39), in King David’s case from watching Bathsheba bathe (2 Sam. 11:2) and it came to the Corinthian church goers from the numerous pagan religious associations and temples that surrounded them (1 Cor. 10).  Temptation comes in similar ways today and one does not have to look far to find it.  Many find it right in their living rooms through television and the internet.

Once the temptation to sexual lust is embraced, it results in sin.  As previously noted, the lure of sexual lust is extremely powerful and it can quickly lead to bondage.  In describing the lure and enslaving power of sexual lust, Steve Gallagher of Pure Life ministries says: As the neighborhood drug pusher entices someone with free marijuana in order to lead him into hard core drugs, so will Satan subtly lure an unwitting victim into bondage with a few satisfying sexual experiences. Gradually the object of the person’s fantasy—whether it be some particular act (oral sex, orgies, exhibitionism, etc.) or a specific type of person (blonde girl, men, children, etc.)—grows into a monstrous idol which lodges itself within his heart. ^[2]

Can sexual lust enslave someone through one act of sin?  Scripture does not answer this question, but my experience and the testimony of many others confirms that it is definitely possible.   After tasting the pleasure of fulfilled sexual lust just one time as a teenager, I was hooked.  For years afterwards sexual lust ruled my life.  I would still be bound if Christ had not set me free.  Paul’s words in Romans 7:24-25a are very real to me, and all who have been set free from sins like sexual lust. “Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord (NASB)!”

What about the Christian, can they be enslaved by sexual lust or any sin for that matter?   Yes, enslavement is possible even for the Christian, but such slavery is abnormal and not to be tolerated.   Romans 6:12-14 commands: “Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God.  For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace (NASB).”

Sexual Lust’s Consequences

As we saw in exploring the progression of sexual lust, it often ends in bondage.   Additionally, sexual lust leads to idolatry, the destruction of relationships and ultimately to God’s judgment.  What follows will examine all these consequences in more detail. 

Often sin is personified in the Bible.  For example, in Genesis 4:7, after rejecting Cain’s offering, the Lord confronted Cain’s angry response to the rejection, "If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it (NASB).”  In this text, the Lord personifies sin as a master who seeks to enslave Cain. 

A well-known New Testament text also personifies sin, Romans 5-7.  Commenting on this text, New Testament scholar Douglas Moo says sin is being personified throughout this passage as a power that rules over a person outside of Christ.^[3]   According to Romans 5:20 and 6:13-14 sin reigns and in Romans 6:16-17 sin can be obeyed.  In Romans 6:23 sin pays wages, in Romans 7:8, 11 sin seizes opportunity and finally in Romans 7:11-13 sin deceives and kills.  

As we have observed from Scripture and can confirm by experience, sexual lust is a sin that enslaves.  Biblical counselor and author Ed Welch discusses this bondage in his book Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave.  Welch says the enemy seeks to exploit the bodies God-given desires and overturn God’s order by having these desires rule.  Instead of God-given desires giving the pleasure and fulfillment God intended, they become ruling lusts that enslave.  In addition, when physical sensations become a habitual satisfier in a person’s life, the heart turns into an idol factory.^[4]   An additional quote from Steve Gallagher adds further insight: Over time this ravenous beast takes over and begins to drive the person’s life. Eventually he loses control of how often, with whom, and under what circumstances he will engage in sex. He has become addicted to the euphoria associated with sexual activity in much the same way others become addicted to the high of alcohol or drugs. Thus, his sexuality and capacity to worship become fused into a corrupted, nearly irresistible drive to worship at the altar of sexual idolatry.^[5]

We see from Welch and Gallagher that sexual lust not only leads to bondage but also idolatry.  Sexual lust and idolatry are nearly always related in Scripture, when you spot one you usually find the other.  Sometimes sexual lust is the consequence of idolatry and other times sexual lust is idolatry.  Sexual lust and idolatry’s inseparable connection is seen most clearly in Romans 1:18-32.  According to verses 21-23, when a person refuses to live for God’s glory and seeks to live for someone or something else he is an idolater.  He desires something in creation more than the Creator.  Romans 1:24-27 says that God responds to idolaters by giving them over to sexual lusts.  The consequence or fruit of this lust is degrading passions, which can lead to any number of sexually immoral behaviors, including homosexuality.  

The Lord Jesus Christ made it clear that it is a man’s duty to love God above all else, “…YOU SHALL LOVE THE Lord YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND Matt. 22:37 (NASB).”  In his unregenerate state, man neglects his duty to love God alone and chooses to love someone or something else.  Often men set their affections on themselves and choose idols they hope will satisfy them, including their own selfish lusts.  Sadly, even Christians can fall into idolatry and therefore they must wisely heed the apostle John’s warning, “Little children, guard yourselves from idols 1 John 5:21 (NASB).”

According to Ed Welch, the purpose of all idolatry is to manipulate the idol for one’s own benefit.  Men do not necessarily want to be ruled by their idols instead they want to use them to get what they want.  For example, men do not want to be ruled by sexual lust; instead, they want lust to give them pleasurable feelings and whatever else their hearts are craving.  The problem is that idols do not cooperate.  Instead of men controlling the idol of sexual lust, it controls them.^[6]   

Biblical counselor, professor and author, Paul David Tripp provides another helpful way to view the issue of idolatry.  Tripp uses Matthew 6:19-24 to make his point.  From this text, he gleans three important principles.  First, everyone seeks some kind of treasure.  Second, the treasure chosen will control the heart.  Finally, whatever controls the heart will control a person’s behavior.  Tripp goes on to say there are only two kinds of treasure, earthly and heavenly.  Whichever treasure a person chooses will rule their lives.^[7]   Therefore, it follows that when a person begins to treasure sexual lust over their relationship with God that it will not be long before sexual lust holds them in bondage and becomes their idol.

In addition to the consequences of idolatry and bondage, sexual lust destroys relationships.  A potent illustration of sexual lust power to devastate relationships comes from Scripture’s discussion of King David’s family.  Most know the story of David’s sin with Bathsheba, the subsequent murder of Uriah and their devastating consequences for David’s life (2 Sam. 11-12).  However, there is another story of sexual lust in David’s family. 

David had many wives and children. One of his son’s, Amnon, lusted after his beautiful sister, Tamar.  So much so, that he schemed to get her alone and then he raped her.  After doing so, the lust that he had previously mistaken for love turned into hatred, and immediately he sent Tamar away in shame.  Tamar’s brother Absalom heard about Amnon’s violation of his sister, and he in turn plotted Amnon’s murder and carried out the vengeful deed.  Absalom fled after the murder, and he and David’s relationship was never the same again.  In fact, Absalom eventually planned and carried out a coup attempt against his father, which ended violently in Absalom’s death.  Sexual lust wreaked havoc on David’s family and ultimately it cost him three sons (2 Sam. 13-18). 

Sexual lust’s consequences are dreadful indeed, and bondage, idolatry, and broken relationships are just the beginning.  According to Proverbs 5-7, sexual lust can destroy one’s health, one’s wealth and ultimately one’s life.  All of these consequences are by God’s design and are his holy judgment on sexual lust.  Proverbs 5:21-22 say, “For the ways of a man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He watches all his paths. His own iniquities will capture the wicked, and he will be held with the cords of his sin (NASB).”  The New Testament is just as clear.  “Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge Heb.13:4 (NASB).”  Of course, the ultimate judgment for those who refuse to repent of sexual lust is separation from God for all eternity.  “Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God 1 Cor. 6:9-10 (NASB).”

We have briefly observed what the Scriptures say about sexual lust’s origins, definition, cause, progression and consequences.  The Scriptures have much more to say on these subjects but space limits.  By now, it should be clear that sexual lust is a horrible monster with an insatiable appetite for the souls of men; souls that it seeks to enslave and then destroy.  The good news is the monster of sexual lust can be defeated and the Bible tells us how.  We will unpackthese biblical truths next week.

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[1] Spiros Zodhiates. The Complete Word Study Dictionary: New Testament. Electronic ed. (Chattanooga, TN: AMG Publishers, 2000).

[2] Steve Gallagher, “Breaking Sexual Idolatry (Part 1),” (Jan. 2010), [online], accessed 20 June 2010; available from http://bibletherapy.com/breaking-sexual-idolatry-part1.html; Internet.

[3] Douglas J. Moo, The Epistle to the Romans (Grand Rapids, MI: Wm. B. Erdmans Publishing Co., 1996), 319.

[4] Edward T. Welch, Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave (Phillipsburg: P &R Publishing, 2001), 51.

[5] Gallagher, “Breaking Sexual Idolatry (Part 1)”

[6] Welch, Addictions: A Banquet in the Grave, 49.

[7] Paul David Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping Others in Need of Change (Phillipsburg: P &R Publishing, 2002), 72.