Eschatology

Lately, I have been asked a lot of questions about eschatology.  Hoekema's book (see the link below) covers this subject biblically, graciously and thoroughly.  I highly recommend it.  However, be warned.  If you are a person who has only been exposed to "popular eschatology," reading it may be a bit unnerving.  Hoekema is amill, but he does a good job of graciously unpacking the other positions.


http://www.amazon.com/The-Bible-Future-Anthony-Hoekema/dp/0802808514/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1337006324&sr=8-1

Biblical Essentials for Discipleship Counseling

The aim of this article is to define and describe the biblical essentials for discipleship counseling.  It will achieve this aim by closely examining the preparation, ministry model, and objectives for such a discipling relationship.  This article defines discipleship counseling thusly: One disciple helping another glorify God by cooperating with the Spirit in progressive sanctification, and thus addressing specific problems of living from the Scriptures, in order to bring about change in conformity with God’s revealed will.

The Necessity of Proper Preparation

Mark Shaw in his helpful book, Strength in Numbers, writes:

“Every Christian is competent to counsel another Christian (Romans 15:14) because all Christians possess the indwelling of the Holy Spirit and a copy of God’s Word. However, it may take some training, and experience in accurately handling the Word of Truth in a biblical counseling context before the lay counselor becomes proficient in counseling.[1]  

Shaw is fundamentally correct.  God has indeed provided all the spiritual resources Christians need for discipling and counseling one another.  Furthermore, God has commanded Christians to make use of these resources in helping each other with problems of living (Gal. 6:1).  However, can one use these resources competently without training and experience?

While it is true that Christians can minister to one another from the inception of their new birth, it is equally true that it is God’s intention that they be properly equipped for ministry.  The Bible states this truth clearly in Eph. 4:11-12, “And He gave some as apostles, and some as prophets, and some as evangelists, and some as pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of service, to the building up of the body of Christ (NASB).”  Therefore, it is not a matter of “may take some training, and experience,” as Shaw states, but rather such training is essential.  Therefore, it is the contention of this paper that before a Christian can competently assist others in overcoming most problems of living, he or she must be appropriately equipped for the task. 

What kind of preparation does a discipleship counselor need?  Jay Adams says one ought to begin with the Holy Spirit.  In his book Competent to Counsel he writes, “Counseling is the work of the Holy Spirit.  Effective counseling cannot be done apart from him.[2]  In another of his works, Adams says the Spirit  “. . . must be considered the most important Person in the counseling context.  Indeed, He must be viewed as the Counselor.  Ignoring the Holy Spirit or avoiding the use of the Scriptures in counseling is tantamount to an act of autonomous rebellion.  Christians may not counsel apart from the Holy Spirit and His Word without grievously sinning against Him and the counselee.”[3]     

The Biblical Counseling Coalition agrees with Adams.  In their confessional statement, they profess the following beliefs about the ministry of the Holy Spirit in counseling:

We believe that both genuine change of heart and transformation of lifestyle depend upon the ministry of the Holy Spirit (John 14:15-16:16; 2 Cor. 3:17-18). Biblical counselors know that it is impossible to speak wisely and lovingly to bring about true and lasting change apart from the decisive, compassionate, and convicting work of the Spirit in the counselor and the counselee. We acknowledge the Holy Spirit as the One who illuminates our understanding of the Word and empowers its application in everyday life.

Wise counselors serve in the truth that God reveals and by the strength that God supplies. By the Spirit’s work, God receives glory in all the good that takes place in people’s lives. Biblical counselors affirm the absolute necessity of the work of the Holy Spirit to guide and empower the counselor, the counselee, and the counseling relationship.[4]

Unquestionably, the Holy Spirit’s ministry encompasses far more than counseling.  The Spirit also oversees the progressive sanctification of every believer, working to transform each one into the image of Christ.  Thus, the first and most vital step of preparation for anyone doing discipleship counseling is humble dependence on the Holy Spirit, for he is the Counselor par excellence, and he alone has the power to bring lasting change.  In other words, those seeking to do discipleship counseling must view themselves as small players in the drama of progressive sanctification going on in a fellow believer’s life.  The Holy Spirit is both star and the director of this drama.  Furthermore, since the Holy Spirit is the indwelling member of the Trinity who empowers holy living (Gal. 5:22-24), and the means by which Christians put to death their sinful deeds (Rom. 8:12-13), it is imperative that a Christian counselor walk by the Spirit, and be capable of teaching others how to do so, by Word and example. 

Walking by the Spirit is not a mystical experience; it is intentionally cooperating with the Spirit by using the means of grace he has provided to grow in Christlikeness and spiritual maturity.  Perhaps a quote from Jerry Bridges will bring clarity,

Although the Holy Spirit is the agent of sanctification and He works in us in this mysterious fashion, it is also true that He uses rational and understandable means to sanctify us. Some of these means, such as adversities and the exhortation and encouragement of others, are outside of our control to initiate. With other means, such as the learning and application of Scripture and the frequent use of prayer, He expects us to take the initiative.[5]

While those doing discipleship counseling are indeed subservient to the Spirit, their role is still an important one.  According to Adams, “The use of human agency in counseling, does not in itself bypass the role of the Spirit; to the contrary, it is the principal and ordinary means by which he works.”[6]  Adams aptly notes that the Spirit being the key player in counseling should be of encouragement to those doing it, because success does not depend on one’s own abilities.[7]  At the same time, Adams cautions, “He cannot be sloppy about the way in which he counsels, expecting the Holy Spirit to do his work regardless of how the counselor does his.”[8]   Adams goes on to urge the necessity of developing the Spirit’s gifts and learning to exercise them in conjunction with the Spirit, or in other words, preparation.[9]

What specific preparation for discipleship counseling does one need besides absolute dependence, and submission to the Spirit?   Kellemen contends that adequate preparation for this ministry includes character, content, competence and community.  He, like Shaw, points to Rom. 15:14 as the scriptural basis for his contention, which says, “And concerning you, my brethren, I myself also am convinced that you yourselves are full of goodness, filled with all knowledge and able also to admonish one another (NASB).”  Kellemen claims the phrase “full of goodness” equates to Christlike character.[10]  Unfortunately, the arguments he chooses to support his claim are not fully convincing, as Kellemen appears to be stretching the text.  Nevertheless, there is abundant Scriptural support to accept his contention that Christlikeness is essential for discipleship counseling ministry.  Three of the numerous texts that support this idea are Philip. 2:1-12; Eph. 4:29-5:2; and 2 Pet. 1:3-8.  All of these passages exhort the necessity of emulating Christ’s character, particularly his humility, and sacrificial love.  

Kellemen’s second requirement for personal ministry is content/conviction, which he deduces from the phrase “complete in knowledge” in Rom. 15:14.  For Kellemen, to be complete in knowledge means more than knowing Scripture, it includes understanding how to apply it practically to the problems of life.[11]  

Like Kellemen, Adams also emphasizes the necessity of knowing and using the Scriptures.  He writes, “The Holy Spirit expects counselors to use his Holy Scriptures…he gave it for such a purpose and that it is powerful when used for that purpose.”[12]   In Adams’ book How to Change People he constructs an airtight argument from 2 Tim. 3:16-17 for Scripture’s sufficiency, authority, and practicality for addressing any and all problems of living.  He also ably demonstrates Scriptures’ sufficiency for equipping one to do discipleship counseling.[13] 

How much Scripture does a discipleship counselor need to know and understand before he or she can do ministry?  After all, the Bible is a big book, which one never fully masters, even with a lifetime of study.  Dr. David Powlison gives practical guidance.  He states, “. . . in a pinch you could do all counseling from Ephesians.  It’s all there: the big picture that organizes a myriad of details.”[14]  At first glance, one might doubt this declaration, but Dr. Powlison substantiates it by adeptly unpacking and applying the epistle of Ephesians to nearly every aspect of life.[15]  Clearly, Powlison’s intent in the statement above is not to discourage anyone from seeking a thorough knowledge of the Scriptures, but rather to give them a good place to begin.  Obviously, one ought to pursue a working knowledge of the entire Bible, and heed Paul’s admonition to Timothy, “Be diligent to present yourself approved to God as a workman who does not need to be ashamed, accurately handling the word of truth (2 Tim. 2:15 NASB).”

A specific portion of Scripture a discipleship counselor needs to know well is the gospel, for Scripture says that the gospel is the power of God unto salvation (Rom.1:16a).  Of course, that salvation includes progressive sanctification; therefore, it follows that one must know how to apply the gospel skillfully in doing discipleship counseling.  A quote from Stuart Scott demonstrates how vital the gospel is in biblical counseling.  “It is foundational.  It is motivational.  It must be pivotal and applicable in every aspect of the counsel we give to those who are not, for one reason or another, living joyfully to the glory of God.”[16]  Scott also exhorts that a discipleship counselor’s familiarity with the gospel must extend beyond its doctrinal truths.  One must understand how it applies to practical Christian living, and communicate its truth in a manner that keeps the gospel’s indicatives, which describe one’s position in Christ, in balance with the gospel’s imperatives, which consist of one’s practice in Christ.[17]     

The third of Kellemen’s requirements for discipleship counseling is competence.  To summarize Kellemen, competency for discipleship counseling ministry requires learning practical skills, namely comforting the suffering and biblically instructing the errant.  Perhaps the best way to develop the competence that Kellemen advocates is by being mentored by an experienced discipleship counselor.  This is Shaw’s contention in his book describing a team approach to counseling.  He writes:

The best scenario for younger, inexperienced Christians is for them to observe more mature Christians first.  Then, a younger Christian should get the opportunity to be lead minister with the more mature Christian on hand to assist with any problems or questions.  Once the younger Christian is confident, (no one is ever perfectly ready) in personal ministry, he or she should be given a newer Christian to disciple. . .[18]

  Paul Tripp agrees with Kellemen about the necessity of developing practical ministry skills, particularly when it comes to suffering.  In Tripp’s words, “. . . suffering is such a common human experience, identifying with suffering is critical to personal ministry.”[19]  Tripp suggests a ministry paradigm based upon the Apostle Paul’s suffering in 2 Cor.1.  He describes the paradigm as “purposeful suffering, leading to the experience of God’s comfort, producing the ability to comfort others, resulting in a community of hope.”[20] He explains the methodology as telling Christ-centered stories about one’s own suffering. 

Powlison also gives some wise counsel concerning the development of ministry or counseling skills.  He astutely advises, “There are no shortcuts in developing counseling skills that actually help people. To be wise, you must know people. Talk with them. Get a feel for them. Try to help others (and as you fail and succeed, keep learning why one or the other occurs).”[21]

The final requirement for personal ministry that Kellemen argues for is community.  He says that every discipleship counselor should be in communion with Christ through vertical spiritual disciplines, and in communion with the body of Christ through what he calls horizontal spiritual disciplines, which he terms “one anothering.”[22]  Of course, Scripture passages such as John 15 and Rom. 12 support his contention. 

One of the vertical disciplines that deserve highlighting is prayer.  Adams says, “Prayer has a central place in Christian counseling, both for the counselor and for the counselee. Any counseling that is not based upon the idea that it is the power of God that transforms counselees is essentially non-Christian.  Prayer, then, must have a prominent place, since both counselor and counselee must ask for God’s help and depend upon Him to give it.”[23]  Once again, the Biblical Counseling Coalition parallels Adams.  “Dependent prayer is essential to the work of biblical counseling (Eph. 6:18-20). Wise counselors humbly request God’s intervention and direction, praise God for His work in people’s lives, and intercede for people that they would experience genuine life change to the glory of God (Philip. 4:6).”[24]

Shaw also argues for the necessity of community, although his arguments for community focus on his team approach to counselor training and ministry.  Shaw writes, “In the church today, too many Christians, pastors, teachers, evangelists, and lay persons are “isolationists” in ministry.  By “isolationists,” I mean that they operate more as the Lone Ranger rather than a team player in a team setting.”[25]  As important as the concept of community is for discipleship counselor training and ministry, it is equally vital for those being disicpled.  Indeed, all believers need to be in close communion with Christ, for apart from him they can do nothing (John 15:5).  Likewise, they need to recognize and embrace their interdependent relationship with the body of Christ (Rom. 12:3-12 and 1 Cor. 12).

Tripp comes at proper preparation for discipleship counseling from a different perspective than Kellemen.  He says the basis for discipleship counseling is composed of three strands.  They are a biblical theology of human motivation, a biblical theology of change, and a biblical methodology of change.[26]  The first strand, a biblical theology of human motivation answers the question, “Why do people do the things they do?  Tripp answers this question, “The simplest, most biblical answer is the heart.”[27]  Just what does Tripp mean by the “heart”?   He provides clarification. 

The Bible uses the term “heart” to describe the inner person.  Scripture divides the human being into two parts, the inner and outer being.  The outer person is your physical self; the inner person is your spiritual self (Eph. 3:16). The synonym the Bible most often uses for the inner being is the heart.  It encompasses all the other terms and functions used to describe the inner person (spirit, soul, mind, emotions, will etc.)  These other terms do not describe something different from the heart. Rather, they are aspects of it, parts or functions of the inner person.[28]

Tripp validates his contention from Luke 6:43-46, which teaches that man’s heart shapes and controls his behavior.  Consequently, one must identify what controls and functionally rules the heart, because change that focuses primarily on behavior to the exclusion of the heart will only be temporary and cosmetic.  Since lasting change only takes place through heart change, the heart must always be the target of discipleship counseling.[29] 

Tripp says a biblical theology of change must answer the question, “How does lasting change take place?”  He speaks to this question by arguing that every human being is a worshipper in active pursuit of whatever rules his heart.[30]  Tripp uses Matthew 6:19-24 to support his argument.  From this text, he gleans three important principles.  First, everyone seeks some kind of treasure.  Second, the treasure chosen will control the heart.  Finally, whatever controls the heart will control a person’s behavior.  He goes on to point out that only two kinds of treasure exist, earthly and heavenly. Thus, whichever treasure a person chooses will rule his or her life.  In Tripp’s words, whatever rules our hearts will exercise inescapable influence over our lives and behavior.  Therefore, the root of all sin is idolatry, because one’s heart treasures something in creation rather than the Creator.  Consequently, the way God changes a person is to recapture his or her heart so that he or she will worship and serve him alone.[31] 

Tripp acknowledges one cannot see into another’s heart, but Scripture can indeed expose it (Heb. 4:12-13). Regarding Scripture’s illuminating power, Tripp writes, “The Bible by its very nature is heart revealing.  For this reason, Scripture must be our central tool in personal growth and ministry.  It alone can expose and analyze where change needs to take place in our hearts.”^[32]  

The third strand of preparation for personal ministry according to Tripp is a methodology of change, which answers the question, “How can I be a redemptive instrument in the life of another person?”  Tripp answers that question with four words, “love,” “know,” “speak” and “do.”  These terms will be thoroughly unpacked in the next section of this paper. 

To summarize thus far, before one attempts discipleship counseling there must be some preparation.  A discipleship counselor must know how to depend on and cooperate with the Holy Spirit, for he is the Counselor par excellence, as well as the agent of change and growth in every believer’s life.  In cooperation with the Spirit’s enabling grace, the counselor must pursue Christlikeness, particularly qualities such as humility and sacrificial love.  Additionally, he or she must be absolutely convinced of the Bible’s authority and sufficiency for every aspect of the Christian life.  In addition, he or she must be a faithful student of the Scriptures, continually working to develop a growing, practical knowledge of the Word.  A discipleship counselor also must be developing practical ministry skills, which include comforting the suffering, and admonishing the sinful.  He or she must cultivate community with God and his people through both vertical and horizontal spiritual disciplines.  Finally, one must have a biblical theology of human motivation, a biblical theology of change, and a biblical methodology for discipling others. 

Applying Tripp’s Personal Ministry Model

Tripp’s methodology of change is an excellent model for discipleship ministry.  He unpacks it in detail in his book, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hand and companion workbook, Helping Others Change.  As mentioned previously, four key words, “love”, “know”, “speak” and “do,” summarize his model.^[33]  Admittedly, there are other good ministry models one could use, such as Wayne Mack’s model as outlined in Counseling.  He describes his ministry model with seven words, which are involvement, investigation, interpretation, instruction, intention, implementation and integration.[34]  However, when one looks closely at the details of each model it becomes abundantly clear they are principally the same. Therefore, in what follows Tripp’s model will be the primary focus, but supplemented by some of Mack’s excellent insights.    

Although there is a rational order to Tripp’s ministry model, one must recognize that it is not a four-step process.  Neither should one consider it four sequential phases of a discipleship counseling relationship.  Instead, “love”, “know”, “speak” and “do,” are essential elements of discipleship counseling, and a discipleship counselor will be doing them all simultaneously in a ministry relationship.[35]  However, for the purposes this paper, these elements will be examined and explained in their stated order.

The first component of Tripp’s ministry model is “love.”  Building relationships based upon love is essential in discipleship counseling, because as Tripp notes, God always changes people in the context of loving relationships.[36]  Mack agrees with Tripp, and calls this element of relationship building involvement.  Mack states that involvement is established when people know their counselors sincerely care for them, and it consists of compassion, respect and sincerity.[37]   He also says, “Usually, the counseling process is truly effective only when an acceptable level of involvement has been established.”[38]

   Tripp says there are four steps we must take to create a loving relationship.  The first is to enter one’s world through what he describes as “entry gates.”  Entry gates are a brother or sister’s experience of a situation, problem or relationship.  For example, a Christian man struggling with the sin of sexual lust will likely experience constant shame, guilt, and failure in living the Christian life.  He may be in a personal crisis, and experiencing a myriad of problems that are rooted in his sexual lust.  He may even doubt his salvation.  His experience would be the entry gate into his life.^[39]  

After the discovery of an entry gate into another’s life, Tripp says the next step is to incarnate the love of Christ.  In his estimation, one must be willing to sacrifice and suffer in order to help his or her fellow believers grow spiritually.  In essence, one must live out Gal. 6:1-2.   In addition, one must strive to be living examples of the biblical truth proclaimed.  Tripp declares this is especially true when the sins of the people one ministers to surface in the ministry relationship.  For instance, if a woman continually sins by using anger as a manipulative tool in her personal relationships, it is likely that sin will manifest itself in a discipleship counseling relationship.  In such cases, one must be careful to model Christ’s grace and mercy.^[40] 

The next step in entering another’s world is to identify with his or her suffering.  As Tripp notes, God calls each believer to suffer so that he or she can be instruments of his comfort and compassion.  When ministering to the suffering, one must remember how God has led him or her through suffering, and the lessons learned through the experience.  Then one can use that knowledge and experience to bring comfort to others.^[41]  Of course, this same principal also holds true in helping those struggling with sin.  A discipleship counselor can use his or her struggle with sin, and God’s gracious deliverance, to minister hope to another.  Mack terms such activity building involvement through sincerity.[42]   

The last step for entering another’s world is to accept him or her with an agenda. Understandably, if one is going to help another overcome a problem of living, he or she must secure a commitment from that person to purse God’s agenda for sanctification and change.  Since God’s purpose is to transform his people into the image of Jesus Christ, one doing discipleship counseling must cooperate with God’s purpose by urging a brother or sister to change.  Of course, the counselor must be careful to do this urging in accord with God’s abundant mercy, love, and grace, avoiding any hint of a judgmental or critical spirit.^[43]  Without a doubt, entertaining a critical or judgmental attitude will quickly destroy a discipleship counseling relationship.

The second crucial aspect of Tripp’s ministry model is “know.” To effectively disciple a brother or sister, one must have an adequate understanding about his or her situation.  Once again, Mack coincides with Tripp, for he says, “If we attempt to interpret people’s problems before we gather adequate data, we will only add to their difficultly rather than relieve it.”[44]  Mack calls gathering information about a person’s life so one can help them with a problem of living, investigation.  Mack suggests that one should gather information from six areas, and they are the person’s physical state, resources, emotions, actions, concepts and historical background.    

According to Tripp to “know” one must ask four vital questions.  The first question is, “What is going on?”  What pressure, opportunities, responsibilities and temptations is the person facing?  Who are the important people in his or her life and what are those people doing?  What is known about their past, including people and circumstances.  From the answers to these and similar questions, one needs to gather data with the aim of developing a correct picture of the person’s situation.^[45]  Consequently, this aspect of the ministry model requires forbearance, good questioning and listening skills, as well as utter dependence on God’s Spirit, which this paper has already established as a necessity in its examination of preparation.

Some vital information a discipleship counselor would want to know about any person he or she is counseling is that person’s conversion story.  Has this person truly experienced regeneration?  Does this person understand biblical repentance and faith?  One would also need to know about his or her understanding of the gospel and progressive sanctification.  Does this person understand how God works to bring about change and growth in the Christian life?  Does this person understand that their presenting problem is God’s means of helping them to grow in relationship and dependence on him?  One should quickly address these issues at the outset of a discipleship counseling relationship.   

The second question Tripp says one must ask in order to “know” focuses on behavior.  “What is the person’s response to what is going on?”  The discipleship counselor must watch out for themes and patterns in the disciples’ life, and the typical ways that he or she responds to his or her circumstances.  Themes and patterns give insight into what is going on in the person’s heart.  Are there idols one must uncover?  Is there pattern of sin one must confront?^[46]  

The third question in the “know” aspect of Tripp’s ministry model is, “What does the person think about what is going on?”  As Tripp says, people are meaning makers and they seek to understand what is going on in their lives.  Moreover, the thoughts of their hearts precede and determine their activities.  Therefore, a discipleship counselor must help the disciple see his or her situation from a biblical perspective.  The aim is to enable the disciple to interpret his or her circumstances with the truth of Scripture so that biblical change can occur in the disciple’s heart, and consequently affect behavior.^[47] 

The final question in the “know” portion of Tripp’s ministry model is, “What does the person hope to gain from what is going on?” What are the person’s desires, goals, purposes, treasures, motives, values and idols?  What is he or she living for?  What really rules his or her heart?  Whatever rules one’s heart will control one’s behavior.  One’s behavior is always an attempt to get what is important to him from people and situations.  Therefore, real change will always include the motive of one’s heart.^[48] 

“Speak” is the third aspect of Tripp’s ministry model.  Once the discipleship counselor understands the disciple’s situation, responses, motives and behavior, and has thoroughly examined them through the lense of Scripture, then he or she is ready to speak the truth.  One must speak the truth in love, and with God’s goal of change and sanctification in mind.  The discipleship counselor’s goal is to help the disciple see himself or herself in the mirror of Scripture, and be God’s instrument in bringing him to repentance.[49]  A quote from Tripp fittingly describes how one should speak the truth:

My goal is that through the things I say (message), the way that I say them (methods), and the attitudes I express (character), God will change the heart of this person. A mistake we often make is to emphasize the law over the gospel.  But Romans 2:4 and 2 Cor. 5:14 show that it is God's kindness and love that compels us to change.  The grace of the gospel turns our hearts and forgiveness is abundantly available.[50]  

In speaking the truth there are four goals the discipleship counselor must seek to accomplish.  First, he or she wants the disciple to contemplate their sin from a biblical perspective.  Therefore, the discipleship counselor must point the disciple to the Scriptures that specifically address his or her situation.  A simple way to do this is to assign Scripture passages as homework, and request that they answer three simple questions.  What is the main point of the passage?  How does the passage apply to the disciple’s situation?   What is God saying to the disciple about his or her situation from this text?[51] 

 The hope is when the disciple measures himself or herself against the Scriptures; the disciple will acknowledge his or her sinful attitudes and behavior, and thus confess.  Confession is the second goal in speaking the truth.  A sincere confession according to Tripp is one that is concrete and specific with no “buts” or “ifs.” The problem is sinners often find confession difficult. They want to deny, explain away, blame, defend, and hide. Tripp cautions that one must take care not to confess for someone or to assume confession.  Instead, one must encourage a person to make their own confession to the Lord, and to those against whom he or she has sinned.[52]

After genuine confession, the discipleship counselor must seek the disciple’s commitment to God’s agenda for change and sanctification.  The question to ask is how, specifically, is God calling this person to a new way of living?  To what new ways of thinking is God calling him or her?  What new biblical desires would God want to control the disciple’s heart?  To what new responses is God calling him or her?  In what new ways is God calling the disciple to serve others?  What behaviors must the disciple strip off?  What new behaviors or ways of living does he or she need to put on?  What steps of correction and restitution is God calling him or her to make?  What new habits does the disciple need to cultivate?  Is this brother or sister committed to making these changes?[53]

Mack fundamentally agrees with Tripp concerning commitment, but sheds further light on the subject.  Mack uses the acronym A-C-C-E-P-T to highlight six factors of what he considers a biblical commitment.  The first factor is to accept personal responsibility for thought and actions, for this is the initial step toward biblical change.  The second factor is to choose to view one’s life, past and present, from a biblical point of view.  Third, one must commit to eliminating anything that hinders biblical change.  Adams calls this principal radical amputation.  Fourth, one must exert effort toward the goal.  Fifth, one must preserve toward obedience.  Finally, one must trust God for the strength and resources to change (Philip. 2:12-13).[54]

Once the discipleship counselor determines there is a genuine commitment to change, he or she must help the disciple develop and adopt a plan to implement the required changes in his or her life.  Tripp warns, “It is easy to assume that change has taken place because a person has gained insight and made new commitments.  But that would be a mistake.  Change hasn’t taken place until change has taken place!”[55]

The final part of Paul Tripp’s ministry model is “do,” and it requires that the discipleship counselor establish a plan for ministry, clarify responsibility, reinforce the truth about one’s identity in Christ, and provide accountability.  One of the most vital elements of a discipleship counselor’s ministry plan will be scripturally focused homework.  Adams concurs when he writes, “Giving homework --- work to do between sessions --- speeds up counseling, takes it out of the artificial setting of the counseling room into the arena where life is lived, and keeps the counselee from becoming dependent on the counselor.”[56]  Adams goes to say that homework ought to be given after every session, for it gives the one being counseled the opportunity to follow through on the commitments he or she made during the counseling sessions.  In addition, it gives one the opportunity to learn how to apply the truth, strip off sin and put on righteousness.[57]

Mack terms Tripp’s “do” implementation.  He says it involves three essential elements.  First, the discipleship counselor must plan specific strategies to aid his or her disciple in living out pertinent biblical truth.  It is not enough to tell the disciple what to do; the discipleship counselor must teach him or her how to do it.  Next, the disciple practices the truths taught in real life.  Finally, the disciple perseveres in applying biblical truth until new godly patterns of thinking, feeling and living have become a part of the disciple’s life.[58]         

Tripp says it is one thing to have a plan for change and spiritual growth, but it is another to exercise the necessary perseverance in implementing it.  A disciple battling against sin will have to fight many spiritual battles, and there will likely be times of discouragement and frustration.  Therefore, discipleship counselors must continually encourage their disciples by pointing them to the resources that are theirs in Christ (Eph. 1:3-14; 2 Pet. 1:3-4).  Since change is difficult, and it demands tremendous determination, a discipleship counselor must provide loving accountability.[59]  Tripp says, “Accountability is about providing loving structure, guidance, assistance, encouragement, and warning to a person who is fully committed to the change God is working in his life.”[60]  Of course, in addition to the discipleship counselor, the disciple must be encouraged to maintain accountability with the local church.  In Mack’s words, “Since the Church is described as Christ’s body, putting on the Lord Jesus Christ means getting involved in a local church (Col. 1:18, 24). We need to exhort our counselees to become vitally, not just casually, involved in a church where Christ can meet their needs in a special way.”^[61]

Biblical Objectives in Discipleship Counseling

Adams says there are three major objectives in discipleship counseling.  The first goal, honoring God, is the most important; the other two goals are instrumental to attaining it.  The additional two goals are building the disciple up in the faith, and strengthening the church.[62]   Scripture passages such as 1Cor. 10:31, and Col. 3:17, undergird Adams’ contention.  The Bible clearly teaches that a disciple who honors and glorifies God will strive to reflect his or her Heavenly Father’s character, and seek to live in accordance with his perfect will and purpose as revealed in Scripture.  Consequently, a discipleship counselor ought to clarify this vital truth to his or her disciple at the outset of the counseling relationship, along with an overview of God’s means for accomplishing it, namely progressive sanctification.

As Adams said, a discipleship counselor pursues the overarching goal of honoring God by building his or her disciple up in the faith, or in other words helping the disciple grow in Christian maturity.   Col. 1:28-29 fittingly describes this goal, “We proclaim Him, admonishing every man and teaching every man with all wisdom, so that we may present every man complete in Christ. For this purpose also I labor, striving according to His power, which mightily works within me (NASB).”  Likewise, a discipleship counselor ought to labor and strive toward the goal of presenting his or her disciple complete in Christ by means of the Spirit’s empowering grace.  What does this labor look like in practical terms?

Many times when a believer comes to a discipleship counselor for help with a problem of living, he or she’s need for such help is due to the fact he or she has never been properly discipled.  Shaw lamenting the lack of discipleship in the modern church wrote, “. . . the Christian church today has a lot spiritually malnourished “born again” Christians.”[63]  Therefore, the first task of a discipleship counselor is to make sure his or her disciples become knowledgeable and skilled in using the means of grace.  Spiritual disciplines such as consistent Bible reading, Scripture memorization, prayer, worship and service must be solidly established the disciple’s life for two vital reasons.  First, these disciplines will further their familiarity and intimacy with God.  Second, these disciplines will serve to equip them in dealing with the inevitable problems of living that they will encounter in the future.

Second, the discipleship counselor must seek to equip his or her disciples with key biblical concepts for overcoming his or her specific problems of living.  These biblical concepts are basically more focused applications of the means of grace.  They include righteous actions such as repentance, radical amputation (Matt. 5:27-30), putting off and putting on (Eph. 4:22-24), taking thoughts captive (2 Cor. 10:5), and renewing the mind (Rom. 12:2).  An astute discipleship counselor will help his or her disciples envision how these key biblical concepts can also be applied to all imminent problems of living. 

Third, the discipleship counselor ought to teach his or her disciple how to preach the gospel to himself or herself every day. This skill is essential because one’s desire to glorify God flows out of one’s love for Him.  Love for God supernaturally grows as one becomes thoroughly acquainted, and enraptured by his mercy, grace and love as expressed through the gospel.  A quote from a recent article by Fitzpatrick confirms why immersion in the gospel is essential:

It is the whole message of the gospel that has the power to transform impatient, guilty, selfish, despairing idolaters into free and joyful worshippers of the Living God. The whole message of the gospel includes His incarnation, sinless life, substitutionary death, bodily resurrection, ascension, reign and return.  Seeing Jesus and His glorious work is the only power strong enough to transforms us from “one degree of glory to another” (2 Corinthians 3:18) or as John Owen wrote, “Here in this life, beholding the glory of the Lord [true believers] are changed into his likeness. Hereafter they will be like Him for they will see Him as He is” (1 John 3:2).^[64]

While these three goals are by no means exhaustive, they will go a long way in helping a disciple grow spiritually.  Surely, if a discipleship counselor equips his or her disciple with the means of grace, key biblical concepts for dealing with problems of living, and the daily discipline of gospel immersion, his or her disciple will indeed experience significant spiritual progress, and thereby glorify God.   

The final objective Adams mentioned was strengthening the church. Obviously, if individual Christians are growing spiritually it will fortify the church.  However, the wise discipleship counselor will have something even greater in mind. From the beginning of the discipling relationship, he or she will strive to build a discipling vision in the one to whom he or she is ministering.  In other words, the discipleship counselor will work to help the disciple see his or her particular problem as God’s means of equipping him or her for ministry. A disciple must see that God aims to use him or her in helping others who are struggling in similar ways.  Paul’s discussion of his suffering and experience of God’s comfort in 2 Cor. 1 is a biblical illustration of this concept.  Paul writes, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God (2 Cor. 1:3-4 NASB).”  Clearly, when God enables a believer to overcome a problem of living, he intends that one use that experience to minister to others, whether it be suffering or overcoming a particular sin.

Certainly, at the beginning of a discipling relationship, many disciples will be in doubt or overwhelmed by the idea that God intends to use them in ministry.  However, a prudent discipleship counselor should continually strive to help the disciple see that his or her increased knowledge of the Scriptures, greater submission to the Spirit, and practical experience gained through intense discipling, are indeed training for ministering to others. Granted such ministry may not be in the church counseling room, but opportunities will abound at home, the workplace and anywhere where one is likely to encounters fellow strugglers.

Conclusion

This article’s aim was to define and describe the biblical essentials for discipleship counseling.  Admittedly, it has merely scratched the surface, for entire books have been devoted to this vital subject.  Nevertheless, if one embraces and applies the principles briefly outlined, namely, spiritual preparation, a biblical methodology and scriptural objectives, he or she will have made a good start towards becoming a properly equipped discipleship counselor, or as Tripp would put it, an instrument in the Redeemer’s hands.    

---

[1]Mark Shaw, Strength in Numbers. (Bemidji, MN: Focus Publishing, 2009), 10.

[2]Jay E. Adams, Competent to Counsel,(Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1970), 20.

[3]Jay E. Adams, The Christian Counselors Manual, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1973), 6-7.

[4]BCC Staff.  “The BCC Confessional Statement, Part 3: Progressive Sanctification” (2012) [online] Accessed 4 Jan. 2012.  Available from http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2012/01/04/the-bcc-confessional-statement-part-3-progressive-sanctification/; Internet.

[5]Jerry Bridges, The Discipline of Grace: God's Role and Our Role in the Pursuit of Holiness, (Colorado Springs, CO: NavPress, 2006), WORDsearch CROSS e-book, 108.

[6]Jay E. Adams, Competent to Counsel,(Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1970), 23.

[7]Ibid., 22.

[8]Ibid., 22.

[9]Ibid.,22-23

[10]Robert W. Kellemen, Equipping Counselors for Your Church,(Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2011), 179-187.

[11]Ibid.,188-189.

[12]Jay E. Adams, Competent to Counsel,(Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1970), 23.

[13]Jay E. Adams, How to Help People,(Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1984), 29-32.

[14]David Powlison, Seeing With New Eyes (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2011), 17.

[15]Ibid., 17-34.

[16]Stuart Scott, “Gaining A Balanced Picture on God’s Counsel” (2011) [online].  Accessed 22 Nov. 2011.  Available from http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/resources/gaining-a-balanced-picture-on-gods-counsel; Internet.

[17]Ibid.

[18]Shaw, 49.

[19]Paul David Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping Others in Need of Change (Phillipsburg: P &R Publishing, 2002), 157.

[20]Ibid.

[21]David Powlison, Speaking Truth In Love (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2005), 191.

[22]Kellemen, 204.

[23]Jay E. Adams, A Theology of Christian Counseling: More Than Redemption (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1979), 61.

[24]BCC Staff.  “The BCC Confessional Statement, Part 3: Progressive Sanctification” (2012) [online] Accessed 4 Jan. 2012.  Available from http://biblicalcounselingcoalition.org/blogs/2012/01/04/the-bcc-confessional-statement-part-3-progressive-sanctification/; Internet.

[25]Shaw, 48.

[26]Paul David Tripp & Timothy S. Lane, Helping Others Change (Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2000), Lesson 1, 8.

[27]Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands, 59.

[28]Ibid.,

[29]Ibid., 59-60.

[30]Ibid.,73.

[31]Ibid., 72.   

[32]Tripp, Helping Others Change, Lesson 2,7. 

[33]Ibid.,1-1.

[34]John MacArthur, F., Jr, Wayne A. Mack and Master's College, Introduction to Biblical Counseling : Basic Guide to the Principles and Practice of Counseling, Electronic ed. (Dallas, TX: Word Pub., 1997), 173-297.

[35]Tripp, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands, 109.

[36]Tripp, Helping Others Change, Lesson 5,6.

[37]MacArthur, 175.

[38]Ibid.

[39]Tripp, Helping Others Change, Lesson 5,6.  

[40]Ibid.

[41]Ibid.

[42]MacArthur, 184.

[43]Tripp, Helping Others Change, Lesson 6. 

[44]MacArthur, 210.

[45]Tripp, Helping Others Change,Lessons 7-8.

[46]Ibid.

[47]Ibid.   

[48]Ibid.  

[49]Tripp, Helping Others Change, Lessons 9-10.

[50]Ibid., Lesson 9, 4.

[51]Ibid., Lessons 9-10.

[52]Ibid., Lessons 9-10.

[53]Tripp, Helping Others Change, Lessons 9-10.

[54] MacArthur, 269-271.

[55]Tripp, Helping Others Change, Lessons 9-10.

[56]Jay Adams, Critical Stages of Biblical Counseling, (Hackettstown:NJ, Timeless Texts, 2004), 65.

[57] Ibid. 66

[58]MacArthur, 284.

[59]Tripp, Helping Others Change, Lessons 11-12.

[60]Ibid., Lesson 12, 6.

^[61]MacArthur, 288.

[62]Adams, The Christian Counselor’s Manual, 235.

[63]Shaw, 30.

[64] Elyse Fitzpatrick. “The Transforming Power of the Cross,” (June. 2011), [online], accessed 25 June 2011; available from http://christiancounseling.com/content/the-transforming-power-of-the-cross.

A message every Christian needs to hear!

http://t4g.org/media/2012/04/divine-sovereignty-the-fuel-of-death-defying-missions/

This message is powerful, convicting and biblical. It will move you to repentance and obedience.

Parenting Adolescent Sons

THE FATHER’S RESPONSIBILITY IN PARENTING ADOLESCENT SONS

Well-known pastor and theologian John Piper recently wrote in his little book What’sThe Difference that one of the contemporary church’s most devastating sins is its lack of spiritual leadership by men at home and in the church. Piper laments that spiritual aimlessness, weakness, laziness, and a lack of courage characterize today’s men.[1] He asks, “Where are the men with a moral vision for their families, a zeal for the house of the Lord, a magnificent commitment for the advancement of the kingdom, an articulate dream for the advancement of the church and a tenderhearted tenacity to make it real.”[2] Where are these men?

The contention of this paper is the mighty generation of future fathers and spiritual leaders Piper envisions are already in our churches. They are our sons. The question is will our sons achieve their potential, or will they continue to repeat the spiritual sloth and complacency of the present generation? In large part, their success or failure is dependent upon their fathers. Will their fathers repent of their passivity and complacency? Will this generation’s fathers embrace their God-ordained role and fulfill their responsibilities to their sons? This purpose of this paper is to exhort, encourage and equip fathers for this vital responsibility, with a specific focus on adolescent sons.

In what follows, we will briefly review some of the reasons fathers have shirked their parental responsibility to their children, and the subsequent consequences. Then we will carefully examine Scriptural instructions given to fathers and discuss their contemporary application, with a special emphasis on parenting methods and goals for adolescent sons. In spite of the specific focus on adolescent sons, much of this paper will be relevant to fathers in general. Finally, we will address how biblical counselors can come alongside fathers, encouraging repentance, application of biblical principles and establishing accountability.

Reasons Fathers Have Shirked Parental Responsibility

A comprehensive discussion of the numerous reasons father shirk their parental responsibilities is beyond the scope of this paper. Therefore, we will limit ourselves to a brief exploration of the most obvious reasons for contemporary fathers’ parental neglect. These reasons are historical, cultural, and spiritual.

Allan Carlson, Ph.D., historian, and family advocate provides exceptional insight into the historical reasons for cotemporary fathers’ parental neglect in America. Before the mid-19^th century, Carlson says:

American Protestant Christianity was a home-centered religion. This was particularly true in North America, beginning with the Jamestown and Massachusetts Bay colonies of the 17th century. For over 200 years, daily family prayer, Bible reading, and the religious training of children and servants were central activities for Americans, with the father in the informal role of domestic priest and family prophet. This understanding carried well into the 19th century.[3]

However, Carlson goes on to say, “. . . since the mid-19th century, a series of assaults on the meaning of fatherhood and of manhood commenced.”[4] These assaults included industrialization, numerous court decisions overturning centuries old common law concerning fathers’ custody rights, compulsory school attendance, and government welfare programs. Interestingly, Carlson attributes the roots of feminization in the church to modern industrialization. He says, “In the late 19th century, as men moved into factories and offices, their role as religious leader declined. Paternal leadership of Bible study and prayer became increasingly rare, and mothers—by default—commonly became the religious leaders in the home. Christianity, in general, became less muscular, more feminized.”[5]

A view that validates and supplements Carlson’s is Mary Kassian’s, author of The Feminist Mistake, who writes:

Up until the middle of the last century, Western culture as a whole generally embraced a Judeo-Christian perspective on gender, sexuality, and the purpose and structure of the family. Heterosexual marriage, marital fidelity, and the bearing and nurturing of children in an intact family unit were highly valued concepts and the norm of societal practice. Most agreed that the primary responsibility of the male was to lead, protect, and provide for his family, while the primary responsibility of the female was to nurture and care for her children and manage her home. Differences between male and female were accepted and seldom questioned. [6]

According to Kassian, the Judeo-Christian perspective on gender and the structure of the family came under serious attack during a thirty-year period between 1960 and 1990 by the philosophy commonly known as feminism. This philosophy erroneously suggests that women find happiness and meaning through the pursuit of personal authority, autonomy, and freedom.[7] Additionally, Kassian says, “the cataclysmic consequences will continue to crash on culture’s shores like a tsunami throughout the opening decades of the new millennium.”[8] In her book The Feminist Mistake she details some of these consequences. Certainly, no one can honestly deny that feminism has had a devastating impact on the church and the family. The feminists, both secular and professed Christian, have successfully undermined the biblical view of male leadership in the home and the church.

Intertwined with the historical reasons for father’s parental negligence are those cultural. Due in large part to the historical assaults on fatherhood previously mentioned, and the subsequent deterioration of parental authority, our culture now views adolescent rebellion as normative. In fact, Tedd Tripp, author of a Shepherding a Child’s Heart, describes today’s parents as “part of the generation that threw off authority.”[9] In his view, the protests and antiestablishment attitudes of the 60’s have shaped modern parent’s attitudes toward authority. Consequently, it is no longer culturally acceptable for Dad to be boss at home.[10]

Tedd Tripp’s brother sees the cultural reasons for parental irresponsibility from a different angle. In Paul Tripp’s words, “We live in a culture of cynicism when it comes to teenagers. This cultural negativity has infiltrated the Christian family as well. This cynicism has its roots in a biological view of teenagers that sees them as little more than a collection of raging, rebel hormones, physically incapable of living responsibly.”[11] The idea that our adolescents are incapable of living responsible finds it roots in modern psychology, which essentially says that people are not responsible for their behavior. Instead, they are helpless victims of their environment and unmet psychological needs. Regrettably, this psychological view of people has permeated our culture, including the church.[12] Many of the supposed experts that Christian parents turn to for parental advice are psychologists rather than biblical theologians.

In brief, culture has had a devastating impact on modern fathers because it has undermined parental authority, promoted adolescent rebellion as unavoidable, and exchanged the biblical view of man as a responsible moral agent for the hapless victim as defined by psychology. Admittedly, these are just a few of the many damaging cultural effects on fatherhood. We have not discussed the negative effects of the entertainment industry, media, public education, or political correctness. Nevertheless, it should be obvious to all that the biblical view of fatherhood is under attack.

While the historical and cultural effects on fathers are both real and potent, the most devastating, and indeed the most significant cause of parental negligence is spiritual. As John Piper lamented, the vast majority of this generation’s men and fathers are spiritually complacent.[13] One expects such complacency from those men who have not embraced the gospel, but there is no excuse for those whom God’s Spirit has regenerated and indwelt. So what is the problem?

According to Paul Tripp, we can trace a major portion of the problem to idolatry. In his book, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, he defines idolatry as exchanging the worship and service of the Creator for worship and service of created things. Tripp declares that effective Christian parents must deal with the idols of their hearts.[14] Tripp says, “If our hearts are ruled by comfort, respect, appreciation success and control we will unwittingly hunger for our teens to meet our expectations rather than ministering to their needs . . . we will view them as frustrating, disappointing irritants, and we will experience growing anger against the very children to whom we have been called to minister.”[15]

Admittedly, Christian fathers can do nothing to change history, and little to change the prevailing culture, but by God’s enabling grace and their sustained effort, fathers can fulfill their God ordained responsibility. If this generation’s fathers are going to prepare their sons to lead tomorrows’ families and churches, they must repent of their spiritual complacency and idolatry, renew their love for Jesus Christ, and be filled with God’s Spirit.

The Apostle Paul, who exhorted Christians to be filled with the Spirit in Eph. 5:18, wrote that one of the four results of being Spirit- filled is proper subjection to one another (Eph. 5:21). In the verses that follow, he unpacks what this subjection looks like in the Christian family. Especially of note, is Eph. 6:4, which says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (NASB).” In short, a Spirit-filled father will instruct and discipline his children in the Lord. We will soon give this truth the careful attention it deserves, but before we do, it is necessary to unpack the tragic consequences of Christian father’s failure to biblically parent. By now, some of those consequences should be blatantly obvious. For example, we have observed that parental idolatry leads to anger and conflict in the family. However, it gets much worse.

The Consequences of Christian Fathers’ Parental Neglect?

The consequences of negligent fathers in America are well documented and startling. So startling in fact that family advocate James Dobson says that he fears the collapse of Western civilization. In detailing the reasons for his fear, he writes:

“Because we as parents are raising the next generation of men who will either lead with honor and integrity or abandon every good thing they have inherited. They are the bridges to the future. Nations that are populated largely by immature, immoral, weak-willed cowardly and self-indulgent men cannot and will not long endure. These types of men include those who sire and abandon their children; who cheat on their wives; who lie, steal, and covet; who hate their countrymen; and who serve no god but money. That is the direction culture is taking today’s boys.[16]

While Christian fathers are doing somewhat better than the culture at large, they are, as repeatedly noted, failing to exercise faithfully their parental responsibilities. What are the consequences when men of God neglect their parental responsibilities? We shall answer this question with illustrations from the Scriptures and one from contemporary life.

The Old Testament is replete with examples of fathers whose failure to faithfully parent brought devastating consequences to them and their children. Three glaring examples are the generation of fathers who conquered the Promised Land, Eli the priest, and King David.

Judges 2:10-12a describes the generation that arose after those who conquered the Promised Land, “All that generation also were gathered to their fathers; and there arose another generation after them who did not know the LORD, nor yet the work which He had done for Israel. Then the sons of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD and served the Baals, and they forsook the LORD . . . (NASB).” Sadly, it appears an entire generation of fathers failed to heed the Lord’s command to instruct their children as outlined in Duet. 6:1-11, and various other texts. A consequence of these fathers’ irresponsibility was that their children became idolaters, but that is not all. The Bible goes on to say:

The anger of the LORD burned against Israel, and He gave them into the hands of plunderers who plundered them; and He sold them into the hands of their enemies around them, so that they could no longer stand before their enemies. Wherever they went, the hand of the LORD was against them for evil, as the LORD had spoken and as the LORD had sworn to them, so that they were severely distressed Jud. 2:14-15 (NASB).

The lesson is clear. Every generation of fathers is responsible to prepare the next generation to serve God by teaching them his truth and his ways. When fathers are unfaithful in this responsibility, it is almost certain that their children will turn away from the Lord, and therefore become the subjects of his discipline. Instead of their children enjoying God’s blessing, the hand of the Lord is against them for evil. No father wants God’s hand against his children for evil, but spiritual complacency and laziness in instructing them in God’s ways almost guarantees it.

1 Sam. 2:12-4:22 tell the story of Eli the priest, and describe the tragic consequences of his failure as a parent. The narrative begins, “Now the sons of Eli were worthless men; they did not know the LORD 1 Sam. 2:12 (NASB).” 1 Sam. 2:29 unpacks the sin of Eli and his sons. God condemned Hophni and Phinehas for their presumption in taking the fatty portions of every offering, which were for God alone. God condemned Eli for honoring his sons over him. Eli scolded his sons (2:23-24), but he took no decisive action to restrain them, or remove them from their office. Eli willing tolerated their sin, and by doing so condemned his sons to death. The Bible says:

“. . . Behold, I am about to do a thing in Israel at which both ears of everyone who hears it will tingle. In that day I will carry out against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them. Therefore I have sworn to the house of Eli that the iniquity of Eli's house shall not be atoned for by sacrifice or offering forever 1 Sam. 3:11-14 (NASB).”

Not only did Eli’s parental negligence lead to his sons’ deaths, but also his own (1 Sam. 4:18), and what is worse, Eli’s progeny lost their privileged status, and were reduced to begging for very humble priestly jobs (1 Sam. 2:30-36).

Amazingly, Eli’s sons grew up in a priest’s home, but “they did not know the LORD (1 Sam. 2:12b NASB).” Admittedly, no father can guarantee the regeneration of his children, but still he must teach them to fear God, and the real-life consequences of violating his holiness. Clearly, Eli failed in this regard, and his ongoing negligence in disciplining his sons was obviously a large part of the problem. As Prov.19:18 says, “Discipline your son while there is hope, And do not desire his death (NASB).”

The Bible describes King David as a man after God’s heart in Acts 13:22. Every man of God hopes to have something similar said of him. Unfortunately, David was a dismal failure as a father. The Scriptures repeatedly note his failure to discipline his sons, and in every case, it leads to their destruction.

The first account of David’s parental carelessness is found in 2 Sam. 13. David had many wives and children. One of his son’s, Amnon, lusted after his beautiful sister, Tamar. So much so, that he schemed to get her alone, and then he raped her. After doing so, the lust that he had previously mistaken for love turned into hatred, and immediately he sent Tamar away in shame. The Scriptures say, “Now when King David heard of all these matters, he was very angry. But Absalom did not speak to Amnon either good or bad; for Absalom hated Amnon because he had violated his sister Tamar 2 Sam.13:21-22 (NASB).” Amazingly, David said or did nothing! However, Absalom took matters into his own hand. He plotted and carried out the murder of his brother Ammon (2 Sam.13:23-28). Then he fled to another country.

The Bible says David mourned over his separation from Absalom, and that he longed to go to him, but he did not (2 sam.13:37-38). In fact, it is likely they would have never seen each other again without the intervention of a third party, Joab. He concocted a plan to bring Absalom home, which was successful, but David and Absalom were never truly reconciled. It would be two years before he and David actually saw each other. Shortly after, Absalom initiated his strategy to usurp his father, which ended in his violent death at the hands of Joab. Of course, David wept bitterly over the loss of his son, which was large in part the tragic consequence of his parental negligence (2 Sam. 14-18).

The final instance of David’s failure as father is detailed in 1 Kings 1-2. David’s son Adonijah recognizes that David is close to death, and determines it is time for him to be king. “Now Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, "I will be king." So he prepared for himself chariots and horsemen with fifty men to run before him. His father had never crossed him at any time by asking, "Why have you done so 1 Kings 1:5-6a (NASB)?"” The Holman OT commentary describes the situation:

He (Adnonijah) apparently knew that Solomon, and not he, was David's intended choice, or he would have been content to let events take their course. But David had not publicly named his successor, so the opportunistic Adonijah decided to make a play for the throne. The description of David's indulgence of Adonijah has an ominous tone, especially combined with the reference to Absalom. Like Absalom who rebelled against his father, Adonijah was spoiled, handsome, and willing to go behind his father's back in a bid for personal power.[17]

Through the intervention of Nathan the prophet, and David’s wife Bathsheba, Adonijah’s attempt to steal the throne is thwarted, and Solomon is anointed king. When Adonijah realizes his plot has been overturned, he seeks asylum at the tabernacle. In response, King Solomon extends mercy, but warns him about the consequences of future rebellion. However, Adonijah fails to learn his lesson and continues to seek the throne by asking for one of his father’s concubines in marriage. Once again, the Holman OT commentary adds insight:

But his request for Abishag, David's concubine (1:2-4), was not the innocent appeal of a man for the hand of the woman he loved. Because he knew that Bathsheba, as the queen mother, had access to the king, he went to her with his request: ask King Solomon... to give me Abishag... as my wife. In the culture of the time, possession of the former king's harem was linked to a claim on the throne (see 2 Sam. 3:8; 16:20-22). Adonijah clung to the idea that he was the rightful king (All Israel looked to me as their king), and almost certainly this was the opening move for another attempt to displace Solomon.[18]

This time, Solomon responds to Adonijah’s intrigue by having his brother executed. Yet another of David’s sons needlessly loses his life. David’s failure as father is one of the primary reasons.

By now, the tragic consequences of a father’s failure to instruct and his discipline his sons’ should be blatantly obvious. If not, perhaps a pertinent and painful illustration from my life will make it so. Like Eli and David, I am father who has failed to faithfully instruct and discipline his sons. I was profoundly convicted of my parental negligence and its consequences during a week this past September when my oldest son came to visit. That painful week is one of the primary impetuses for this paper.

My oldest son’s adult life has been marked by bad decisions and choices. He has reaped some devastating consequences, including being court martialed, dishonorably discharged from the Marine Corp, spending sixteen months in a military prison, and being permanently marked by a felony conviction. Yes, he is responsible for his choices and the resultant consequences. However, it does not change the fact that I failed to fulfill my obligation to him as a father. Looking back, I realize that during one of the most important periods of his life, his adolescence, I essentially checked out. I bought the cultural lies, worshiped the idols of comfort and ease, and went into survival mode. Paul Tripp’s warnings proved true in my case:

Parents with a survival mentality will try to control the child and respond out of anxiety, irritation, and fear. They will respond emotionally and foolishly, try to manipulate the teen into obedience, and initiate unproductive power struggles. Their relations with their teen will disintegrate and the teen’s rebellion will increase. They will finally quit parenting while telling themselves that they did everything possible.[19]

Sure, I sent him to Christian school, made him go to church and took him to youth camp every summer. However, my primary parenting goal was to get him out of the house. How I regret that decision.

Biblical Instruction to Fathers

When the Scriptures instruct about parenting, they always specifically address fathers. Commenting on this fact, William Farley, author of Gospel Powered Parenting, writes; “Throughout Scripture, fathers are the parents, and their wives are their assistants. The wife is a crucial assistant. Parenting is a team sport. It is very hard to do alone. But in a two-parent family, Dad is the chief parent, the one accountable to God for his family. Mom is there to assist him.” [20] Biblical counselors and authors Fitzpatrick and Newheiser agree with Farley. In their comments on Eph. 6:4 they write, “Paul speaks specifically to “fathers. In doing so, he isn’t excusing mothers from his warning. But he was speaking to the head of household…because fathers are the head or the leader of the household they carry the ultimate responsibility to guide and direct the family.” [21]

Although there are numerous Scriptures addressed to Fathers, nearly all of them fit into three basic categories, which are love, instruction, and discipline. The first category, love, is essential because instruction and discipline attempted without genuine love will likely foster resentment (Eph. 6:4). Amazingly, no verse of Scripture specifically commands a father to love his children. Instead, the Scriptures assume fathers will naturally love them. For example, “Just as a father has compassion on his children, So the LORD has compassion on those who fear Him. Psalm 103:13 (NASB).” In spite of the fact they are no specific commands for fathers to love their children, there is a tremendous amount of Scripture addressed to Christians on the subject of love of loving one another. Nearly every book in the New Testament emphasizes this theme. A verse that wonderfully summarizes the New Testament command to love is 1John 3:16, which states, “We know love by this, that He laid down His life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.” A father should do no less for his children. According to Scripture, a father who truly loves his children will make the sacrifices necessary to instruct and discipline them. For example, “He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently Prov. 13:24 (NASB).”

The second category of Scriptural commands to fathers is instruction. Instruction involves purposefully teaching children the Word and ways of God so they will develop a biblical theology and worldview. In the Old Testament, the primary passage that addresses the father’s responsibility to instruct his children is Duet. 6. The apostle Paul summarizes this text in Eph. 6:4 when he says, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (NASB)” Andrew Davis does an outstanding job of linking these two texts together in his article, “Fathers and Sons in Deuteronomy 6: An Essential Link in Redemptive History,” and unpacking their importance. Davis writes:

“A wise Christian father, therefore, will see the word "fathers" in Eph 6:4, take his own responsibility seriously toward his children, and turn to Deuteronomy 6 for practical insights into how to bring up his children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. But he will do more than that. He will develop the multigenerational vision clearly taught in Deut 6:2 and will prepare his sons to lead their own families into spiritual obedience and lasting fruitfulness for the glory of Christ. . . .The future health and spiritual prosperity of the church of Jesus Christ depends on fathers who will delight in the multigenerational vision of family leadership laid out in Deuteronomy 6 and confidently trust in God's Spirit to prepare their sons and daughters to walk in a law now written on their hearts by faith.”[22]

Notice Davis emphasizes a multigenerational vision for families. His conviction is today’s fathers must “train their sons to love God with all their hearts and to keep his commandments, so that they, in turn, can train their own sons to lead their families in the same pattern.”[23] Davis outlines several steps from Deut. 6 a father should take to prepare his son for family leadership. We can summarize them thus: Fathers must be faithful examples who love and fear God, cherish his commandments, and review his faithfulness. Therefore, they teach their sons to do the same by consistent repetition, in everyday life situations, and by physical reminders, especially taking advantage of teachable moments when their son’s hearts are open.[24]

Obviously, one of the father’s primary goals in instructing his children is their regeneration. Therefore, father must communicate the gospel message by every means available. Certainly, this includes the Bible’s teaching about God, man, sin, and salvation, but it also includes living a life worthy of the Gospel (Eph. 4-6). Additionally, fathers must always remember two parallel truths as noted by William Farley in Gospel Powered Parenting. The first truth is God exercises sovereignty over salvation. As Jesus said, “All things have been handed over to Me by My Father; and no one knows the Son except the Father; nor does anyone know the Father except the Son, and anyone to whom the Son wills to reveal Him (Matt. 11:27 NASB).” The second truth is that God uses means of grace to draw people to himself, and parents are the normal means of grace God uses to reach their children.[25] We must note a caution by Farley about keeping these two truths in balance. Farley says, “It is fatal to presume upon God’s sovereignty by neglecting parental faithfulness. Yet it is also a mistake to assume that it all depends upon us. It doesn’t. In fact, none of your efforts will prevail unless God bestows the gift of faith on your children. We are utterly dependent and responsible at the same time.”[26]

The final category of Scriptural commands to fathers relate to discipline. Discipline is necessary because children are sinners by nature at birth, and foolishness is bound up in their hearts (see Gen. 8:21, Ps. 51:5 and Prov. 22:15). The purpose of discipline is to mold character, with a primary focus on the heart rather than behavior. Scripture clearly teaches that behavior flows from the heart, for example see Proverbs 4:23, Mark 7:21, and Luke 6:45. Ted Tripp says, “a change in behavior that does not stem from a change in the heart is not commendable; it is condemnable.”[27]

The Old Testament book of Proverbs provides the most specific instruction on the subject of discipline. About a third of Proverb’s teaching is especially pertinent to parents, while the rest essentially deal with one’s proper response to discipline. The Proverbs applicable to parents are 3:11-12; 13:24; 19:18; 22:15; 23:13; 29:15 and 29:17. Proverbs 3:11-12 compares a father’s discipline with the Lord’s, stating the Lord disciplines his children much like a father disciplines a child he delights in. The rest of theses verse exhort parental discipline, note the rewards of faithfulness, or warn about the consequences of negligence, which we have already detailed. We should note that Proverbs commands spanking, but we will not address this subject since our emphasis is on adolescent sons who are normally too old to spank.[28]

Clearly, Scripture commands discipline. Unfortunately, many misunderstand what biblical discipline looks like. According to Ted Tripp, biblical discipline is correction done in love and for the benefit of the child. Parents must not discipline in anger or punitively.[29] In Tripp’s words, “If you correct and discipline your child because God mandates it, then you need not clutter up the task with your anger. Correction is not displaying your anger at their offenses; it is rather reminding them that their sinful behavior offends God. It is bringing his censure of sin to these subjects of his realm. He is the King. They must obey”[30]

In summary, fathers are to love, instruct and discipline their children. They are the chief parents and their wives are their assistants. Their families, by God’s design, are to be the principal learning communities for their children (Deut. 6). Fathers must embrace and live up to their responsibilities as primary teachers and disciplers of their children for the express purpose of producing generations of descendants who love God and live for his glory.

Biblical Methods for Applying the Biblical Instructions to Fathers

Many Christian fathers have a basic understanding of their Scriptural responsibilities as parents. However, they often struggle to live them out in everyday life. Therefore, we have an obligation to address the following question: What biblical methods must a father employ to fulfill his responsibility to love, instruct, and discipline his children? Thankfully, the biblical methodology for parenting is as simple and clear as God’s instruction to fathers. However, this simplicity does not imply that its application will not require intentionality, hard work and sacrifice.

The ultimate example of fatherhood in Scripture is God himself. Therefore, it follows that a father’s methods should image our heavenly Father as closely as possible. One of the primary images used of God in Scripture is that of a shepherd. For example Psalm 100:3, which says, “Know that the LORD Himself is God; It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves; We are His people and the sheep of His pasture (NASB).” Of course, we must also mention Psalm 23, which begins “The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want (NASB).” This image as shepherd is the one Tedd and Paul Tripp say fathers should embrace in parenting their children.

The New Testament does not directly support the Tripp’s conclusion, but it does infer it, and here is how. When the New Testament talks about leadership in the church, it often describes it with shepherding terms, for example see 1 Pet. 5:1-4 and Acts 20:28. According to these Scripture, and many others, shepherds lead, feed, protect and care for their flocks, which is exactly what fathers must do. Additionally, the New Testament declares that qualifications for church leadership are godly character, and the proven ability to manage or shepherd one’s home (1Tim. 3 and Titus 2:5-9). Clearly, God’s plan is for fathers to be the shepherds of their homes, which also serve as a training and proving ground for leadership of God’s household, the church (1Tim 3:15).

How should fathers shepherd their adolescent sons? They must seek to exemplify godly masculinity, shape influences, focus on their son’s hearts, continually communicate the truth in love, nurture the father and son relationship, administer age appropriate discipline, be real and undergird all these efforts with prayer. We will briefly discuss each of these.

Exemplifying godly masculinity to adolescent sons is vital. As William Farley notes, “…men are born male, but masculinity is learned.[31] He defines masculinity as unselfish servanthood and the willingness to initiate or lead. Farley says men learn biblical masculinity from two sources. First, they learn it from God, and particularly his son, God in the flesh, Jesus Christ, who was the ultimate masculine man. Secondly, they learn if from other men whom the gospel has transformed. Thus, fathers must be men who have been radically transformed by the gospel into biblical models of masculinity.

A father is responsible for the shaping influences that affect his children. Shaping influences is a term coined by Ted Tripp, which he defines as the events and circumstances in a child’s developmental years that impact their growth. He says this shaping is not automatic because it depends on how the child responds to these events and circumstances. Shaping influences include things such family structure, roles, values and the like. Tripp warns that positive shaping influences do not guarantee godly children because they respond to them out of their hearts. Nevertheless, fathers should seek to construct biblical shaping influences, and trust God to do what only he can, which is transform their children’s hearts.

Since the heart is the source of all attitudes and behavior, as previously noted, it must be the focus of a father’s shepherding efforts. In Paul Tripp’s words, “The Bible attributes many important functions to the heart. We feel, think, purpose, desire, believe with our hearts. We also receive or reject God’s new covenant for our hearts. If the heart is the steering wheel of the human being, if it’s what causes us to do what we do, then it’s quite obvious that the focus of parenting has to be with the heart of the teenager.”[32] The temptation will be to focus on the behavior rather than the heart, and therefore revert to various behavior modification techniques. Paul Tripp warns:

I can control a child’s behavior through a variety of means. If I lay enough guilt on my child, it will move him. If I manipulate my teen with something he wants, a new car or a new bike, I will be temporarily effective. If I threaten him, he may comply. But the problem is that none of these strategies have lasting effectiveness. The inner person, the teen’s heart, hasn’t changed. The minute the threat or the incentive is gone, the child goes right back to what he was doing.[33]

Fathers have a responsibility to instruct their sons in the truth, but they must communicate the truth in love (Eph. 4:15). Father’s must heed the apostle’s words in 1 Cor. 13:1,” If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal (NASB).” Additionally Eph. 4:29 which says, “Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear (NASB)”

Biblical Goals for Fathers of Adolescent Sons

In addition, most Christian fathers have no clear goals in mind for their parenting, particularly when it comes to their adolescent sons. They have failed to think deeply about what a mature man is and therefore they have nothing to aim at.

Therefore, in this section we will discuss biblical methods for applying the biblical commands and then By no means will they be comprehensive, since entire books have been written on this subject. Again, our specific focus will be adolescent sons.

1. The father must renew his commitment to pursue Christ with passion and to live worthy of the gospel for Christ’s glory. Therefore, he must become consistent in his personal, family and corporate communion with the Lord. He must be intentional and purposeful in pursuing a growing knowledge of God’s Word and obedience to it.

2. The father must pursue forgiveness and reconciliation with his adolescent son. He must commit himself to rebuilding the relationship by expending whatever time, energy and sacrifice that is necessary. At the same time, the father must understand that his that God is sovereign and only he change the son’s heart.

3. The father must commit to obeying the biblical commands addressed to fathers. Hence, he must accept the responsibility that he is to be the primary discipler of his son. He must develop a plan for accomplishing that task.

4. The father must commit to parenting with biblical methods. This means that his parenting must directed at the heart.

5. A renewed commitment to parent with biblical goals

How to Apply Scriptural Instruction and Principles in Counseling Fathers

Paul Tripp provides a helpful ministry model for assisting brothers and sisters in Christ with any shortcoming in his book, Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hand and companion workbook, Helping Others Change. Four key words, “love”, “know”, “speak” and “do”, summarize this model.[34] We will apply this model specifically to helping fathers faithfully parent their adolescent sons. I personally apply this model to all my counseling and discipleship opportunities.

According to Tripp, God always changes people in the context of relationships based on love. Therefore, we must build relationships in which love provides a context for God's work of change. The question is how do we do establish such a relationship? Tripp says there are four steps we must take. The first and most obvious step is to enter the person’s world through what Tripp calls “entry gates.” An entry gate is not a problem, circumstance or another person; instead, it is the person's experience of a situation, problem or relationship. Therefore, in the case of a father and his adolescent son, the entry gate will likely be their experience of a crisis, trial, or conflict that has arisen due to father’s failure to fulfill his parental obligations.

A second step we must take when entering a person’s world is incarnating the love of Christ. Ministry to the hurting will always mean sacrifice and suffering for us. Like Christ, we must be willing to die to ourselves to see spiritual growth in another person. We must remember that God has not only called us to proclaim his truth, but to be an example of it also. This is especially true when the sins of the people we minister to surface in our relationships. For example, if a father is an angry person eventually they will be angry with us. If they struggle with trust, at some point they will distrust us. When they sin against us, we must model Christ.

The third step we must take when entering a person’s world is to identify with their suffering. Identifying with a distressed father who is suffering due to parental laxity would be simple for someone like myself. I know the heartache and sorrow firsthand. However, such experience is not necessary to minister to a hurting father. As Paul Tripp says, God calls all of us to suffer so that we can be instruments of His comfort and compassion. When ministering to the suffering, we must remember where has God led us through suffering and what has he taught us through it. Then we can use that knowledge and experience to comfort others.

The final step in entering a person’s world is to accept with an agenda. Paul Tripp reminds us that change is God's agenda. His plan for us is to be conformed into the image of Jesus Christ. Therefore, if we love people with Christ’s love, we must hold before them the call to change. While doing so, we must be careful to avoid a critical, condemning or self-righteous spirit. Instead, we must grant them the same mercy, love, and grace that God has showered on us.

The “know” part of Tripp’s ministry model is self-descriptive. This portion of the model requires patience, good listening skill and complete dependence on the Holy Spirit. We need to gather knowledge about the situation; the father and sons’ response to the situation; how they are interpreting it and finally, what motivates their behavior. Therefore, we need to know the answers to four questions. The first question is, “What is going on?” The answer to this question tells what their world is like. It must include both the past and the present. What pressure, opportunities, responsibilities and temptations are they facing? Who are the important people in their life and what are they doing? What do we know about their past, including people and circumstances. From all this information, we need to filter the things that will help us understand their situation.

The second question is, “What is the father doing in response to what is going on?” Here we include the facts that describe the person's behavior. We are looking for themes and patterns. What are the typical ways they respond to their sons and situations? Themes and patterns will give us insight into what is going on in the heart. Are there idols we must expose? Is there pattern of sin we must confront?

Our third question for knowledge gathering is, “What does the father think about what is going on?” In other words, how is the father interpreting his world situation? As Tripp says, people are meaning makers and they seek to understand what is going on in their lives. Therefore, they need to see things from a biblical perspective. Their thinking about their situation must line up with Scripture before real change can take place. The thoughts of the heart precede and determine our activity.

The final question in the “know” portion of Tripp’s ministry model is, “What does the person hope to gain from what is going on?” Include what you learn about the father's desires, goals, purposes, treasures, motives, values and idols. What are they living for? What really rules their hearts? Whatever rules our hearts will control our behavior. Our behavior is always our attempt to get what is important to us from people and situations. Therefore, real change will always include the motive of our hearts.

“Speak” is the third aspect of Tripp’s ministry model. Once we understand the father’s situation, responses, motives and behavior, and have thoroughly examined them through the lense of Scripture, then we are ready to speak the Truth. We must speak the Truth in the love, and with God’s goal of change and sanctification in mind. Our goal is to help the father see himself in the mirror of God's Word, and be God’s instrument to bring him to repentance. A quote from Tripp fittingly describes the how should speak the truth:

My goal is that through the things I say (message), the way that I say them (methods), and the attitudes I express (character), God will change the heart of this person. A mistake we often make is to emphasize the law over the gospel. But Romans 2:4 and 2 Cor. 5:14 show that it is God's kindness and love that compels us to change. The grace of the gospel turns our hearts and forgiveness is abundantly available.

In speaking the truth there are four goals we want to accomplish. First, we want fathers to consider their sin from a biblical perspective. Therefore, we must point them to Scriptures we mentioned in this paper. We should include those narrative passages that describe the tragic consequences of failure. A simple way to do this is to assign them as homework, and request that they answer three simple questions. What is the point of the passage? How does the passage apply to your situation? What is God saying to you about your situation from this text?

Our hope is that when a father measures himself against the standard of God's Word he will see the sins of his heart and behavior he must confess. Confession is our second goal in speaking the truth. A sincere confession according to Tripp is one that “is concrete and specific with no “buts” or “ifs.” The problem is that we sinners often find confession difficult. We want to deny, explain away, blame, defend, and hide. Tripp cautions that we must take care not to confess for someone or to assume confession. Instead, we must encourage a person to make their own confession to the Lord and to those against whom they have sinned.

After genuine confession, we must seek a father’s commitment to God’s agenda for change and sanctification. The question to ask is how specifically is God calling this father to a new way of parenting? To what new ways of thinking is God calling them? What new biblical desires would God want to control his heart? To what new responses is God calling them? In what new ways is God calling them to serve and love their sons? What things must they stop doing? What new things should he start doing? What steps of correction and restitution is God calling them to make? What new habits does he need to cultivate? Is this father committed to these changes?

Once we determine there is a sincere commitment to change, we must aid the father in adopting a definite plan of action to implement the necessary changes in his life. Tripp warns, “It is easy to assume that change has taken place because a person has gained insight and made new commitments. However, change has not taken place until change has taken place!”

What might a definite plan of action look like for a father who is repenting of negligence in parenting his adolescent son? It would likely include the following:

1. The father must renew his commitment to pursue Christ with passion and to live worthy of the gospel for Christ’s glory. Therefore, he must become consistent in his personal, family and corporate communion with the Lord. He must be intentional and purposeful in pursuing a growing knowledge of God’s Word and obedience to it.

2. The father must pursue forgiveness and reconciliation with his adolescent son. He must commit himself to rebuilding the relationship by expending whatever time, energy and sacrifice that is necessary. At the same time, the father must understand that his that God is sovereign and only he change the son’s heart.

3. The father must commit to obeying the biblical commands addressed to fathers. Hence, he must accept the responsibility that he is to be the primary discipler of his son. He must develop a plan for accomplishing that task.

4. The father must commit to parenting with biblical methods. This means that his parenting must directed at the heart.

5. A renewed commitment to parent with biblical goals

The final step in the ministry model is “do.” In this step, my responsibility is to help the person implement a plan of action for change. I must continually encourage them by reminding them of their identity in Christ and the resources God has provided for overcoming sin and living a godly life. Since change is hard and it demands tremendous perseverance, I will provide loving accountability. Tripp says, “Accountability is about providing loving structure, guidance, assistance, encouragement, and warning to a person who is fully committed to the change God is working in his life.”[1]

BIBLIOGRAPHY

Books

Dobson, James C., Bringing Up Boys: Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Shaping the Next Generation of Men, Wheaton, IL: Tyndale House Publishers, 2001.

Farley, William P. Gospel Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting, Phillipsburg, NJ: P &R Publishing, 2009.

Fitzpatrick, Elyse, Jim Newheiser. You Never Stop Being a Parent, Phillipsburg, NJ: P &R Publishing, 2010.

Fitzpatrick, Elyse, Jim Newheiser and Dr. Laura Hendrickson. When Good Kid’s Make Bad Choices, Eugene, OR: Harvest House Publishers, 2005

Inrig, Gary. Holman Old Testament Commentary – 1, 2 Kings. Edited by Max Anders. Nashville, TN: Broadman Holman, 2003. WORDsearch CROSS e-book.

Kassian, Mary A. The Feminist Mistake, Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2005.

MacArthur, John F. Jr., Wayne A. Mack and Master's College, Introduction to Biblical Counseling : Basic Guide to the Principles and Practice of Counseling, Electronic ed. Dallas, TX: Word Pub., 1997.

Peace, Martha and Stuart W. Scott. The Faithful Parent, Phillipsburg, NJ: P &R Publishing, 2010.

Piper, John. What’s the Difference, Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2001

Tripp, Paul David. Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, Phillipsburg, NJ: P &R Publishing, 2001.

Tripp, Paul David and Timothy S. Lane. Helping Others Change, Greensboro, NC: New Growth Press, 2000.

_________. Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands: People in Need of Change Helping Others in Need of Change, Phillipsburg, NJ: P &R Publishing, 2002.

Tripp, Tedd. Shepherding a Child’s Heart, Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd’s Press, 2005.

Articles

Carlson, Allan. “The Decline of Paternity: An American Case Study,” [online]. Accessed 20 Dec. 2010. Available from http://www.profam.org/docs/acc/thc_acc_paternity.htm.

Davis, Andrew M.. “Fathers and Sons in Deuteronomy 6: An Essential Link in Redemptive History,” JBMW Volume 12 No. 1 (Spring 2007) [online]. Accessed 20 Dec. 2010. Available from http://www.cbmw.org/Journal/Vol-12-No-1/Fathers-and-Sons-in-Deuteronomy-6.

Mohler, R. Albert. “From Boy to Man–the Marks of Manhood, Part One,” (April 2005) [online]. Accessed 22 Dec. 2010. Available from http://www.albertmohler.com/2005/04/21/ from-boy-to-man-the-marks-of-manhood-part-one/.

Mohler, R. Albert. “From Boy to Man–the Marks of Manhood, Part Two,” (April 2005) [online]. Accessed 22 Dec. 2010. Available from http://www.albertmohler.com/2005/04/21/ from-boy-to-man-the-marks-of-manhood-part-two/.

Tripp, Paul David, “What is "Success" in Parenting Teens?,” Journal of Biblical Counseling, Vol. 23, No. 3, 2005, pp. 13-20.

________. “Age of Opportunity Leader’s Guide” [online] Accessed 22 Dec. 2010. Available from http://www.wtsbooks.com/pdf_files/age-of-opportunity-leader.pdf.

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[1] Ibid., Lessons 11-12.

---

[1] John Piper, What’s the Difference (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2001), 68.

[2] Ibid.

[3] Allan Carlson, “The Decline of Paternity: An American Case Study,” [online] (Accessed 20 Dec. 2010) Available from http://www.profam.org/docs/acc/thc_acc_paternity.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid.

[6] Mary A. Kassian, The Feminist Mistake (Wheaton, IL: Crossway Books, 2005), 8.

[7] Ibid., 7.

[8] Ibid., 7

[9] Tedd Tripp, Shepherding a Child’s Heart, (Wapwallopen, PA: Shepherd’s Press, 2005), xviii.

[10] Ibid.

[11] Paul David Tripp, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens (Phillipsburg, NJ: P &R Publishing, 2001) 257.

[12] John F. MacArthur Jr, Wayne A. Mack and Master's College, Introduction to Biblical Counseling: Basic Guide to the Principles and Practice of Counseling, Electronic ed. (Dallas, TX: Word Pub., 1997), 17.

[13] Piper, 68.

[14] Paul David Tripp, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, 29

[15] Ibid., 38.

[16] James C.Dobson, Bringing Up Boys: Practical Advice and Encouragement for Those Shaping the Next Generation of Men (Wheaton, IL:Tyndale House Publishers, 2001), 54.

[17] Gary Inrig, Holman Old Testament Commentary – 1, 2 Kings. (Nashville, TN: Broadman Holman, 2003). WORDsearch CROSS e-book. 1Kings 1:5-10.

[18]Ibid., 1Kings 2:13-25.

[19] Paul David Tripp, “Age of Opportunity Leader’s Guide” [online] (Accessed 22 Dec. 2010) Available from http://www.wtsbooks.com/pdf_files/age-of-opportunity-leader.pdf.

[20] William Farley, Gospel Powered Parenting: How the Gospel Shapes and Transforms Parenting (Phillipsburg, NJ: P &R Publishing, 2009),136-142.

[21] When Good Kids Make Bad Choices p. 144

[22] http://www.cbmw.org/Journal/Vol-12-No-1/Fathers-and-Sons-in-Deuteronomy-6

[23] Ibid.

[24] Ibid.

[25] Farley, 21-22.

[26] Ibid

[27] Tripp Shepherding p.4

[28] Tripp Shepherding A Child’s Heart

[29] Ibid

[30] Ibid

[31] Farley 142

[32] Tripp, Paul David, “What is "Success" in Parenting Teens?,” Journal of Biblical Counseling, Vol. 23,

No. 3, 2005, pp. 13-20.

[33] Ibid

[34] Tripp, Helping Others Change, 1.